The Relationship Convention
by viola12night
Summary: Leonard and Penny try to figure out their relationship while the guys try to convince Eddie to attend a comic con.  Eddie is explained/introduced in my first fanfic, "The Ferguson Conversion"
1. The beginning

**The Relationship Convention**

SCENE ONE: _Eddie's apartment. There is a stack of board games and two 2-liters of soda on the coffee table. A pile of mail is scattered on the kitchen counter. She takes it all, and after a quick scan, drops it in the trashcan, dropping one on the floor without noticing. She then works on tidying up here and there. There's a knock on the door. She opens it, and LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJESH, and SHELDON enter._

HOWARD: Come on, gang, let's get this par-tay on! (busts some robotic dance moves)

EDDIE: (staring with a wince) What are you doing?

HOWARD: My par-tay dance moves.

EDDIE: …right. I mean what are you guys doing here?

LEONARD: It's Anything-Can-Happen Thursday!

HOWARD: (in robotic voice to match the movements) My sensors detect an awesome par-tay in the vicinity.

EDDIE: (staring at him strangely) Seriously, what is with you today?

_(HOWARD loosens up from his robot stance and awkwardly shrugs)_

LEONARD: We thought we'd go out to a club tonight, and thought we'd pick you up on the way. Not pick you up…I mean take you with us. We're not…"picking you up". I mean, I have a girlfriend….

HOWARD: (to EDDIE) I'll pick you up.

EDDIE: (holds up her hand to shield herself from Howard's face) Hang on a sec, "we"? "Club"? And Sheldon's part of the "we"?

SHELDON: Yes, unfortunately so.

LEONARD: We owe it all to Raj. (to RAJESH) You want to do the honors?

RAJESH: (is muted by Eddie, but busting with a grin; he finally laughs) It was so awesome!

EDDIE: (rapt, she puts on her sweatshirt and wears the hood) Yes! Tell me, tell me! What happened? What'd he do?

RAJESH: (excitedly trying to talk through the mutism, now that Eddie looks more boyish) It…it started with…

SHELDON: If I must be humiliated once again, may I at least recount the events of this afternoon? Otherwise I may be subject to unnecessary exaggeration.

EDDIE: But Sheldon…! (pointing to Raj) He's talking!

SHELDON: Are you telling me that the choice between listening to a true account of events and listening to an incoherent and inaccurate account hinges on rarity of speech, not on quality?

EDDIE: No, I didn't say that, of course not. (beat) I inferred it. Go on, Raj.

HOWARD: (to Sheldon) Pwned!

RAJESH: (trying not to fixate on Eddie while talking) The…the Co-Worker Agreement…he broke it!

EDDIE: (dramatic gasp) No! Serious? What'd he do?

RAJESH: I…He… (the nervousness of his mutism takes over again, and he giggles instead)

EDDIE: O-kay, we've lost him. Fine, Sheldon, your turn.

SHELDON: Thank you. Now, the Co-Worker Agreement clearly states that, while in the office, Koothrappali is not allowed to speak Hindi. Mind you, that is not based on discrimination, but based on what experience has proven to me.

EDDIE: Which is what?

SHELDON: That when people speak foreign languages around me, it's to insult me. Those who insult me thus assume that I don't know what they're saying, and while this is not true with common words such as "caca" and the poorly translated "el nerdo", it is true with Hindi.

EDDIE: Alright, go on.

SHELDON: And so when Koothrappali answered his ringing cellphone and proceeded to speak in Hindi, I assumed he was speaking about me. He did glance my way after answering the phone.

HOWARD: Yeah, brilliant deduction, Holmes. (laughs)

EDDIE: (scolding) Oh, Sheldon, you know what they say happens when you assume.

SHELDON: What do they say?

LEONARD: You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me".

SHELDON: (thinks for a moment) Oh, clever. And, alas, quite true. No sooner did he begin speaking the language of his homeland than I told him to "stop that jibber-jabber and get back to work".

EDDIE: "Jibber-jabber"?

SHELDON: I thought he was insulting me. I was annoyed. But then…apparently the person he was speaking to heard what I said, became very upset, and hung up.

EDDIE: Who was on the phone?

SHELDON: I can't say.

RAJESH: (angry) It was my grandma!

EDDIE: (dramatic gasp, laughing slightly) No! Sheldon Lee Cooper insulted someone's mee-maw?

RAJESH: I had to spend the rest of the afternoon on the phone with my parents and my grandma, trying to explain how Sheldon is a doo-doo head!

SHELDON: I'll admit to the error of my ways and to my shame, but I believe that kind of language is uncalled for.

RAJESH: (calming down) But, anyway, since he did that, I… (mutism takes over again, and he pretends to be distracted by Grizzy, who just jumped onto the sofa; he crosses to pet her)

SHELDON: Needless to say, I allowed myself to be subject to the repercussions outlined in the Co-Worker Agreement.

EDDIE: And what are those exactly?

SHELDON: I'd rather not say. He was angry that day that he wrote it out.

HOWARD: If I remember, it was something along the lines of, "If Sheldon breaks a rule, he has to not act douchey for one 24-hour period".

SHELDON: And as I am not an authority on popular slang, I am at the unwitting mercy of those who consider themselves to be so.

EDDIE: I'm pretty sure Raj could've told that same story in half the time. (suddenly looks at her watch) Oh, crap! Look, you guys gotta head out without me, I've got plans.

_(LEONARD notices the fallen piece of mail, picks it up, and looks it over)_

HOWARD: Are you kidding? Cancel them! We're taking Sheldon to a nightclub!

EDDIE: So get videos on your phone, alright, but I really can't go. (starts to round them up and push them toward the door) Come on, head out, move along!

_(cut to the hallway outside the apartment, where all four guys are, Eddie's door shutting behind them)_

HOWARD: What can she possibly have planned that's better than Sheldon at a nightclub?

LEONARD: Guys, look at this… (showing them the mail) Eddie's been invited to the Long Beach Comic Con, fully comped, to appear in the Artist Alley!

HOWARD: What?

SHELDON: Granted, not as exciting as the San Diego Comic Con.

LEONARD: So you don't want to go?

SHELDON: Don't be ridiculous, I never miss a con, Long Beach or San Diego.

RAJESH: This is so awesome, we're going to have connections to a professional artist at a comic con!

LEONARD: We should order our tickets now, and coordinate costume ideas!

HOWARD: Gentlemen, let's get our con par-tay on!

_(the three of them walk out of the shot, leaving SHELDON alone for a moment)_

SHELDON: Thank god! If it weren't for some misplaced mail, I'd be "whoopin' it up" at a nightclub.

_(cut back to the guys, whom SHELDON has caught up with; as they're discussing ideas for the con, they run into PENNY, who's carrying a grocery bag)_

PENNY: Oh. Hi, guys!

LEONARD: Hi, Penny!

_(awkward silence)_

PENNY: Well, see you later! (awkwardly gives Leonard a kiss on the cheek and heads up the stairs)

RAJESH: That explains Eddie's plans.

HOWARD: (to Leonard) You two still acting weird since the epically failed attempt to live together?

LEONARD: Kinda, but I'm sure it'll blow over.

SHELDON: Good lord, not this again. Can we please return to the more important topic at hand? (beat) Now, are we cosplaying as a group or as individuals?

_(the other guys pitch in opinions as they leave the building; fade to title segment)_


	2. The rest of the story

**The Relationship Convention**

SCENE TWO: _Eddie's apartment. A knock at the door. EDDIE answers and PENNY enters._

EDDIE: You didn't run into…?

PENNY: Leonard and the guys? Yeah. (crosses to set her grocery bag on the counter)

EDDIE: Damnit, I'm sorry. I didn't even know they were coming, and I shoved them out as quickly as I could.

PENNY: It's okay, it's not your fault.

EDDIE: So was it…?

PENNY: Awkward? Yeah, more than I thought.

EDDIE: Then I hereby call this meeting of Get Rid Of Slimy boyS to order.

PENNY: (chuckles) What?

EDDIE: From "Calvin and Hobbes". First order of business, we are gonna chillax until we forget what day it is. Second order of business, we will air all grievances. And third order of business, we will suggest solution strategies.

PENNY: Agreed. (takes a bottle of rum out of the grocery bag) First order of business.

EDDIE: I'm not much of a drinker, but I can mix mine with some Pepsi. Did you bring the movies?

PENNY: (takes DVD out of the bag) I brought the big guns.

EDDIE: (melts) Shakespeare in Love?

PENNY: And (takes another DVD out of the bag) Toy Story 3.

EDDIE: I don't have enough tissues for both of those.

PENNY: (takes a box of tissues out of the bag)

EDDIE: Okay, I'll get the DVD started, you pour the booze.

* * *

><p>SCENE THREE: <em>Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Comic books, magazines, costume pieces, fabric scraps, and sewing notions are strewn about. Everyone is sitting and looking through the materials.<em>

LEONARD: So I'm thinking that since Eddie's going to be in the Artist's Alley, we should all be Baron of Shadows characters to show our support.

HOWARD: That's perfect!

RAJESH: But how do we decide who gets to be the Baron?

LEONARD: Well, Sheldon's the only one tall enough to be the Cursed Overlord.

SHELDON: Excellent! I've been longing to have time in my schedule to build an exact replica of the Reclining Moon Blade, especially since I helped create the concept.

RAJESH: I'd like to be the Prince of Takla.

HOWARD: The Prince of Takla is really a princess, remember?

RAJESH: Yeah, so? I could just…be the princess as the prince…

SHELDON: Penny would make an excellent Prince of Takla, having a satisfactory balance between feminine appearance and masculine behavior.

LEONARD: Penny's not coming.

SHELDON: Did you ask her?

LEONARD: No, but even if I did, she wouldn't be interested.

RAJESH: See then, I get to be the Prince of Takla!

HOWARD: Come on, Leonard, suck it up and make up with Penny, or we'll be at the comic con with a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man.

RAJESH: Sort of like _Victor Victoria_. (everyone looks at him blankly) Julie Andrews and Robert Preston? (still blank) No? It's so whimsical!

HOWARD: Leonard, I'm begging you, ask Penny.

LEONARD: Alright, maybe I'll ask her, but we need time to talk things out first.

SHELDON: But we need to coordinate our costumes now. Experience shows that it could take weeks until the two of you reach an understanding, and we need to begin building our costumes as soon as possible.

HOWARD: Yeah remember for the con last year when we were running behind on our costumes, so we paid the quilting circle at the senior center to finish them for us? Between the rate we could afford to pay them and the tight deadlines, the manager thought we were running a senior citizen sweatshop.

RAJESH: Maybe it's not as bad as you think. Maybe it just seems awkward because _you_ feel awkward, but she could be fine.

LEONARD: I guess that's possible…

HOWARD: She's at Eddie's right now. Why don't you call Eddie and ask her how Penny's doing with it?

LEONARD: Yeah, okay, sort of feel her out. That could be good. (takes out his phone and dials) Yeah, Eddie? It's Leonard. Listen, is Penny at your place right now?

EDDIE: Yeah.

LEONARD: Can you get a sense of how she feels about…you know…our current situation?

_(cut to Eddie's apartment, where PENNY takes a drink from the rum bottle, then sobs as she's watching the TV)_

PENNY: See, now _that's_ what love's supposed to be like! Why can't I meet a man like Woody?

EDDIE: (into her phone) Well, yeah, I've got a sense of it…I sense that now is not the time to talk.

_(cut back to Leonard)_

LEONARD: Yeah, I kinda figured. Thanks. Oh, and congratulations on the Long Beach Comic Con! We all got our tickets for it.

EDDIE: Yeah, about that, I'm not going.

LEONARD: What? Why not?

EDDIE: I gotta go, the toys just dropped into the furnace. (hangs up, then grabs a tissue and clutches it as she watches)

HOWARD: So…?

LEONARD: For one thing, Penny's probably complaining about our problems to Eddie.

SHELDON: You didn't need to waste your cellphone minutes to learn that.

LEONARD: And also, Eddie's not going to the comic con.

ALL: What?

HOWARD: Why not? Didn't you tell her we're dressing like her characters?

RAJESH: Tell her I won't be the Prince of Takla, if that would make a difference…even if it will dash my dreams…

LEONARD: She didn't say why, she just said she wasn't going, then hung up.

RAJESH: Wow. So no Penny and no Eddie.

HOWARD: Yeah, what do we do now?

_(beat)_

SHELDON: Batman villains. I call Riddler!

* * *

><p>SCENE FOUR: <em>Eddie's apartment. PENNY's laying across the couch. EDDIE is laying half on the couch and half on the floor. Her cat GRIZZY is sitting atop the couch, flicking her tail in Penny's face. There's nothing but silence for a moment.<em>

EDDIE: Penny?

PENNY: Yeah?

EDDIE: Is the rum gone?

PENNY: Yeah.

EDDIE: Then the first order of business is complete.

PENNY: Sure.

EDDIE: Next order of business: air all grievances. You first.

PENNY: Am I stupid to keep going back to him? I mean, we barely have anything in common.

EDDIE: (trying to sit up and compose herself) Yeah, but that's okay, because you've been learning from him, and he's been learning from you.

PENNY: I guess. I mean, when we're just dating, it's not a big deal. But when we tried living together, it all just blew up. Isn't that a sign that it's never going to work?

EDDIE: Do you want to end it with Leonard?

PENNY: Well, no.

EDDIE: Do you still love Leonard?

PENNY: Yes, I do.

EDDIE: Then the only thing proven by the failed attempt to live together is that you weren't ready to take that step in your relationship.

PENNY: Really? (sits up, then holds her head, aching with a hangover) Oh, balls! (slowly lays back down)

EDDIE: (gets up from the crouch and crosses to the kitchen to make instant coffee) Look, it's true that the two of you have known each for years, and yes you've dated before, but you've just gotten back together after being broken up for awhile. Moving in together just after getting back together was probably just jumping the gun.

PENNY: Yeah, you're right. We just got back together.

EDDIE: You need to become a couple again before taking the next step.

PENNY: Right. Yes. (slowly sits up as EDDIE brings her a cup of coffee) Thanks, Eddie. That really helps.

EDDIE: No problem. Now for the third order of business…

PENNY: Hold on, don't you have grievances?

EDDIE: No.

PENNY: What about that comic party thing? It sounds like a big deal. Why aren't you going?

EDDIE: (pauses as she invents an excuse) Well, you know, my readers think I'm a guy. If I show up and they find out I'm a girl, my readership might drop.

PENNY: Are you kidding? It's a bunch of geeky guys who only know two-dimensional pictures of girls. You'd be the most popular one there!

EDDIE: (sighs) Okay, the truth is, the last time I went to a comic con, nobody knew who I was, and it was a letdown.

PENNY: Really? Leonard and the guys really like your comic.

EDDIE: …okay, so that was when my story was just a book series, not a comic.

PENNY: Okay, I just downed almost a whole bottle of rum and I'm really hungover right now, but it seems to me like there's something you're not telling me. What's going on?

EDDIE: (heavy sigh) Fine. The whole truth is that…the publisher is cancelling the Baron of Shadows.

PENNY: What?

EDDIE: It's not selling enough, so I have four more issues to wrap up the story, then I'm done. Down and out. Washed up. Sce-rewed.

PENNY: Oh, Eddie, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say so before?

EDDIE: I dunno. I'm not used to "airing my grievances" to other people. I don't like to get people involved in my personal problems. If it just concerns me, why get other people worried over it? Anyway, that's why I'm not going.

PENNY: Well, but you must still be popular enough if they invited you to be a special artist.

EDDIE: Please, I'm local. I'm easy to comp because I have no travel expenses. Look, just forget it. Third order of business: propose solutions. Penny, I propose you go talk to Leonard and patch things up right away. He probably feels the exact same way you do, so getting back on track should be easy.

PENNY: Eddie, I propose you sign up to go to the comic thing and have one last chance to show people how awesome your story is.

EDDIE: Thanks, but not gonna happen.

PENNY: Alright, will you at least go to Leonard's with me, you know, for support?

EDDIE: Yeah, okay fine. Here, I'll give this back. (pulls a half-empty bottle of rum out of the fridge)

PENNY: Wait, what? The rum isn't gone?

EDDIE: When you started thinking of baby names for the children you would have with Woody, I decided you'd had enough.

PENNY: Oh. Good call.

* * *

><p>SCENE FIVE: <em>Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. LEONARD, HOWARD, and RAJESH have beers in hand, staring into space, while Sheldon is working industriously at a sewing machine.<em>

LEONARD: I can't believe I blew another chance with Penny.

HOWARD: I can't believe you had another chance with Penny.

RAJESH: I can't believe we just lost a chance to have an artist connection at comic con.

SHELDON: I can't believe you guys aren't working on your costumes. If you fall behind, I'm not carrying you.

_(a knock at the door; after LEONARD's bid for them to come in, PENNY and EDDIE enter)_

PENNY: Hey, guys.

LEONARD: Oh, hey, Penny!

PENNY: Leonard, can we talk outside?

LEONARD: Yeah, sure.

EDDIE: You need me out there, too?

PENNY: No, I need you in here. Hey, guys, talk Eddie into going to comic con!

_(before EDDIE can argue, PENNY and LEONARD duck outside, shutting the door behind them)_

EDDIE: (calling out the door) You set me up!

RAJESH: Please, you've got to go to comic con so that I can dress up!

SHELDON: And I want to make a reclining moon blade replica!

EDDIE: Guys, settle down, cuz it's not gonna happen!

HOWARD: Come on, why not?

_(cut to the hallway with Leonard and Penny)_

LEONARD: Penny, I'm sorry things didn't work out.

PENNY: Me too, Leonard, but it's okay.

LEONARD: It is?

PENNY: Yeah, we were just pushing things too fast, that's all.

LEONARD: That's true, I guess. I mean, we did just get back together. Then moving in together right away…

PENNY: Right! It was just too soon.

LEONARD: Right!

_(cut back to inside the apartment)_

HOWARD: What?

RAJESH: Cancelled?

SHELDON: But it's not even halfway through the plot of the book series yet!

EDDIE: Yeah, well, don't tell that to me. It's the publishers that said it's not selling enough. Wait…(stares at Raj) You're talking. (noticed the beer in his hand) Oh. (instantly dismisses it) And anyway, judging by my recent royalty checks, I think I have to agree.

RAJESH: So…what are you going to do when it's over?

EDDIE: I don't know. It's been so nice being able to just do writing full-time, but…I guess I'll have to get some freelance gigs, or…work…retail… (shudders) I'll probably have to find a cheaper apartment, too, which sucks.

HOWARD: Well, you know Howie's got some spare room at his place. (puts his arm around her)

EDDIE: The spare room is going to be in your empty arm socket if you don't get off me.

HOWARD: (pulls away) Yeah, sure, no problem.

SHELDON: Only four issues to finish the story? But then it will be rushed and horrifically contrived. It will mar the wonderfully leisurely journey I've been taking with the characters.

EDDIE: I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'll do my best to finish well.

SHELDON: But your best can't possibly do well enough with only four more issues!

RAJESH: I think we're missing the central issue here. Eddie, you have to go to the comic con so I can dress up like my favorite character!

EDDIE: Who's your favorite character?

_(cut back to the hallway)_

LEONARD: So…we're still together?

PENNY: Well, let's see… (kisses him) Do you still love me?

LEONARD: Let's see… (kisses her) Yes, I still love you.

PENNY: And I still love you. (they kiss again) And you know, even if we don't live together, you can still sleepover.

LEONARD: That is good to know.

PENNY: Maybe you can sleep over tonight?

LEONARD: Tonight would be good. Tonight would be very good.

PENNY: Good.

_(they're about to kiss again when the apartment door suddenly bursts open and EDDIE comes out)_

EDDIE: (calling back toward the apartment) Okay, okay, I'll go! (rushes down the stairs)

LEONARD: (entering the apartment) What happened?

HOWARD: Eddie's agreed to come to comic con as long as Raj doesn't disgrace her characters.

RAJESH: Can I help it if the Prince of Takla is my favorite character?

HOWARD: Show them what you were planning on wearing.

RAJESH: (shows them a graphic novel cover; LEONARD and PENNY glance, then flinch)

LEONARD: Raj, that's when the Prince's tunic gets torn in battle and reveals her true gender as the Princess!

RAJESH: (sheepishly) Can I help it if that's my favorite part?

PENNY: (wincing) Oh, sweetie…just…no…

HOWARD: So Eddie's coming, and Raj isn't cross-dressing. It's a win-win!

SHELDON: It would be, were it not for the fact that a beloved graphic novel is coming to a close, and the fact that I already started work on my Riddler costume.

LEONARD: Coming to a close? What?

HOWARD: They're cancelling the Baron of Shadows.

LEONARD: What? Really?

HOWARD: Really.

RAJESH: That's what she said. (tearing up) I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Excuse me. (goes to the bathroom, shuts the door, starts weeping loudly)

LEONARD: (with determination) Gentlemen, start your sewing machines! We'll be the best Baron of Shadows cosplayers at the convention! And Penny… (taking her hand) …would you do us the honor of being our Prince of Takla?

PENNY: Uh…

LEONARD: It means you'll dress up with us at the comic con.

PENNY: Oh. Well, okay, sure, I guess. But just this one time, you know, for Eddie.

SHELDON: (holds up a completed Riddler costume) Oh well. I suppose I can always wear this one for the San Diego con. (suddenly excited again) I'm going to start working on my reclining moon blade!

* * *

><p>SCENE SIX: <em>The Long Beach Comic Con. EDDIE is sitting at her table, signing autographs for the few people surrounding the table. SHELDON, LEONARD, and HOWARD enter, walking in a formation so that PENNY is in the center of their group at all times. They approach the tables.<em>

EDDIE: Hey, guys! Having a good time?

HOWARD: We were until people started figuring out that Penny is a real, live woman.

_(the guys in line at the table stare at PENNY in awe)_

SHELDON: (bearing his reclining moon blade aggressively) Fear not, Prince of Takla, none shall dare come closer!

LEONARD: Sheldon, that thing's made out of styrofoam.

SHELDON: And cursed by the dark magics of the sorcerer Hekubal!

PENNY: Guys, they're still staring at me.

SHELDON: Be gone!

EDDIE: Hey, look, only one limited edition commemorative figurine left!

_(all the guys in the line squeal and run in the direction she pointed)_

PENNY: So how've you been doing, Eddie?

EDDIE: You know, pretty great! Well, for one thing, I'm glad I dressed down. But it's been really cool meeting some fans. And you guys look awesome in those costumes! Let's get a group photo. (looking around the group) Where's Raj? Who did he finally decide to come as? (they all look at her with dread) What?

HOWARD: You really don't want to know the answer to that.

EDDIE: Please, what could be worse than him wanting to be the Prince-slash-Princess of Takla?

RAJESH: (enters, wearing a long wig and a skimpy amazon costume) Hey guys, I've been looking everywhere for you!

EDDIE: (starts to crawl under the table to hide) I knew coming to a convention would be a bad idea.


End file.
